Sometimes, your at the rio, and a 16 year old boy will touch your legs under the water and claim its an insect in the water. Later the insect will be a fish. Here you ponder how attractive you must be to the animal kingdom. The boy will tell you this with a smile. You know the smile. It was the are-you-into-me-like-I'm-into-you smile. You will try to use all of your telekinesis power to let him know that you couldn't be less interested.
Also, please don't touch. My legs aren't exactly shaven, and this is getting awkward. In my old life it would have been awkward 3 days ago.
It's true what they say. Being an American makes you automatically more interesting. If I were Dominican he would probably be looking at the 14 year old instead. Also, if he were American, he just wouldn't be looking at me. It's almost comical every time I remember... You're 16! Ha ha. Really, walk away little boy, walk away.