Saturday, July 20, 2013

This isn't a movie.

It's night time and we don't have any electricity. I went to my room to get a flashlight and change into shorts that I couldn't find. I assumed they were under my bed. They were. I looked up and saw my light "kind of" on. I went to the hall where the switch is and turned it off (you know save electricity we don't have). I leaned back in to be sure the light was off. It was. I quickly pulled the door shut and walked back outside. Then I went to sit down in a chair. Right before I did that I did that thing where you check for that one important thing you think you forgot, but never actually forget. You know, your cell phone, your wallet, the keys to your bedroom door... Okay, they weren't there. I ran back to check the door... Locked. Crap! How did this happen? I didn't even know if a spare key to my room existed. 

Good thing I wear bobby pins. Every time a movie star grabs a bobby pin and puts it in a key hole the door opens. It works more often than "alohamora". Too bad I'm not a movie star and all I did was wiggle a bobby pin in a door. (This one time cakesniffer and I looked up on YouTube how to open a locked door from the outside. Too bad that was with a screwdriver and a different type of lock and my phone is no longer connected to the Internet) All the while I'm holding a flashlight into my lock in a very dark hallway trying not to let anyone see that the American, who can barely speak, has now also locked herself out of a door. 

Okay. This is fixable. "Amanda, where is the key?" Well, very likely sitting on me bed attached to the big blue lanyard where I threw it as I entered the room to rip off my skirt. (That'll teach me to take off clothing so hastily!) 

"Well, why don't you just go to the window and get it?"

I was, for the first time, excited to know there was a rip in the bottom right corner of my window screen.

So there I go. Flashlight in hand trying to sneak past the crowded house through some rocks. Too add to the great sneaking skills I had removed my Chacos and they were now locked my room with the key. 

So there I creep to the other side of the house, not using the light, and with my shoes off in moist earth. Then I see that the window is twice as high on this side of the house. 

I sneak back and get a chair.

Second try. I get up to the window and take a peak inside the metal Dominican window vents. THE KEY!

Wait, why is there a second screen in this window? I don't want to break a second screen. What is with this... Why is it so flimsy? Oh! That's my mosquito net. Which I now have to try to get ahold of. I'm pretty sure a ghost is pulling at it pretending to be a breeze I know does not exist in that room. 

At this point I have my left arm holding the vents so I can see, my right arm semi holding the net, and a flashlight (as big as an Arizona Tea can) in my mouth. I don't look like a burglar at all. 

Maybe I can just reach my hand inside this... Ouch! Okay. No reaching inside with the arms. Not anorexic enough for that. Also, left go-go-gadget arm in the 90's. 

So I look around for a stick. Yay. Okay. On the chair. Looking in the window. Using part of my had to hold up that stupid mosquito net, and I have the stick close to the keys. 

It bends. What kind of lame stick is this? I pull it out. It's from a banana tree. Least useful stick ever. "Get away from me you worthless piece of crap!" 

Okay, another stick. I am literally in a tree grove, surely there is a stick someplace... Or ... Not. How is this real life? 

Walking. Walking. 
Almost at the neighbors.
Still trying to not get caught looking stupid by my host family.
Where is a stick long enough and hard enough to make my night get a lot better? 
Come on. 

Okay. I found one. (Later the random dirt particles are going to get on my face and hands and bother me the entire time I write this post.)

Back on the chair.
Left arm with stick kind of in window. 
Right arm trying to hold back mosquito net. 
Mouth holding flashlight at the angle of visibility. 
I'm inching towards the keys. 
I have hooked the keys. 
They keys fall off! 
What is this The Sand Lot? 
Okay, otro vez.
I have the keys.
Slowly lift arm. 
Don't let keys fall behind bed and onto floor.
Pulling keys toward right hand. 
Wait, my hands are now interlocked in the window.
Okay, slowly transfer keys to other hand. 
Now the stick doesn't want to come. 
Everything is out! 

Quick, grab the chair and walk back to your room like nothing is different. 

Open door.
Write blog. 
Wipe dirt from eyes a million times. 
Dream about taking a long, warm bubble bath in America. 
Be excited to wake up on an island. 

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