Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Size matters

I don't know what's up with these Dominicans who try to give me clothes. Either I look way smaller than I am or they are being super complimentary.

First, for those of you who don't know me, Beyonce and I are twins.

Joke. I look like a person and I've been told, that my chest is on the larger side. I'm not sure I agree, but I guess the letters don't lie.

Well, in walks my cleaning lady with this bra. Easily a size 1/2 A cup. Home girl looks at me and asks, "Is this yours?" And she was serious. I was thinking... "You think I could wear that training bra?" I mean come on. Even I, a person who has no concept of her chest size (according to many a Peace Corps friend) can tell that the string bikini bra would do absolutely nothing for me.

In walks my 80 year old, short, tiny little Doña. I gave her back one of her shirts that wound up with my laundry. She proceeds to try to give it to me. I told her that she was mas pequeña de mi, pero ella wanted me to put it on anyhow. So here I go attempting to wear this tiny little shirt to prove to my doña that we aren't twins. She believes me with the first shirt, but drags me to her closet and proceeds to put all these shirts on me looking for one that would fit.

I'm thinking,"Doña, I don't have body issues now, but if this continues I'm going to..."

Home girl finds a button up shirt and proceeds to button it over my chest. I will also say that she grabbed the girls and pushed them together. If this were America, that would feel like sexual assault or the beginning of a good time. Here, it's just a night with the doña.

So the buttons are pulling at the chest, because that's the kind of relationship I have with the button ups. (Really, remember apple bottom jeans. Can we make those in shirt form? My self esteem would LOVE it, and my business attire would look a lot better and have less of a street walker feel.) My doña tells me it looks perfect. I grab the 2 inch gap and ask her what I should do about that? She says it looks really good...

Doña, really?

I unbuttoned the top button. You know the one attempting to cover the chest, and pulled the look any lady with big girls falls back on with the button up.

Remind me I want to find a tailor when I get home, or a plastic surgeon.

Let me know. What kind of relationship does your doña have with your chest?

Also, how big is too big, how small is too small? (With anything, coins, cars, chest, checkers, cakes, cupcakes, and any other C related words.)

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